.

2007-07-07T12:32:00.000-07:00

Trust. it's something that i don't take very lightly, neither is it easy for me to trust someone.
So the rare times that i actually do, I raise my expectations of that person so high that i almost always get disappointed. Then I'd try to find someone else to place this trust in. But it doesn't work that way.

2007-05-13T06:30:00.000-07:00

how i wish i didn't have to say anything and you'd just know.
that would make everything feel alright. really.

2007-05-04T04:53:00.000-07:00

Perfect world - simple plan

I never could’ve seen this far
I never could’ve seen this coming
Seems like my world’s falling apart

Why is everything so hard
I don’t think I can deal with the things you said
It just won’t go away

In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you
This means nothing
Nothing at all

I used to think that I was strong
Until the day it all went wrong
I think I need a miracle to make it through

I wish that I could bring you back
I wish that I could turn back time
Cuz I can’t let go
I just can’t find my way

it hurt to realize your words meant nothing at all.
and that you never realized i was still hurting.
i never made it through without you - just so you know.

2007-04-30T07:21:00.000-07:00

fcuk. i really need to train. but there's like no time at all?
and im so sure i'm gonna fail mya and get expelled x(
touchwood luh! study study study study study.

can everything stop crashing down like that?

2007-04-29T06:21:00.000-07:00

Crap i can't concentrate on mugging and that sucks.

i know two wrongs don't make a right. and i really want to make things right x)
i'm trying hard, if you can tell. so don't shut me out

I kept hoping i wasn't so unimportant to you. that you'd realize something was wrong.
i'm tired of waiting and waiting for you to be there.
i don't want to have to beg for you to care.
if you think can't take time off your BUSY LIFE for me, then forget it.
i'd rather hate you.

Crash and burn - savage garden

When you feel all alone,
and the world has turned its back on you,
give me a moment please,
to tame your wild wild heart.

I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you.
Its hard to find relief, and people can be so cold.
When darkness is apon your door.
and you feel like you cant take anymore

Let me be the one you call,
if you jump i'll be ready to fall,
lift you up and fly away with you into the night.
If you need to fall apart,
I can mend a broken heart,
if you need to crash, then crash and burn your not alone.

When you feel all alone and a loyal friend is hard to find,
your goin' on a one way street,
with the monsters in your head.
When hopes and dreams are far away and you can't face the day.

Let me be the one you call,
if you jump i'll be ready to fall,
lift you up and fly away with you into the night.
If you need to fall apart,
I can mend a broken heart,
if you need to crash, then crash and burn your not alone.

'Cause theres always been heart ache and pain.
And when its all over you'll breath again, you'll breath again.
~
not everyone can crash and burn

2007-04-26T06:38:00.000-07:00

Just so you know - Jesse Mccartney

I shouldnt love you but I want to
I just cant turn away
I shouldnt see you but I cant move
I cant look away

And I dont know how to be fine when Im not
Cause I dont know how to make a feeling stop

[Chorus:]

Just so you know
This feelings taking control of me
And I cant help it
I wont sit around, I cant let him win now
Thought you should know
Ive tried my best to let go of you
But I dont want to
I just gotta say it all Before I go
Just so you know

Its getting hard to be around you
Theres so much I cant say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way
And I dont know how to be fine when Im not
Cause I dont know how to make a feeling stop

It's really time to let go.

2007-04-25T06:45:00.000-07:00

grah. It sucks that i don't even dare to talk to you anymore.
and there's like so much to say - even though i wouldn't really know how to explain it too.
it's okay...i know you don't really care to know

i've been putting up with you, but i'm losing my patience.
and of course i would understand - you're making the same mistakes.

2007-04-21T23:15:00.000-07:00

what is there left to say?

Just let it go.

2007-04-18T07:41:00.000-07:00

hmm why am i blogging so much and why aren't it blogging on the joint blog?
cuz like the joint blog is more for HAPPY stuff and UNPERSONAL stuff x)
ahh oh no so screwed, i really have to get a grip. (and by saying get a grip, i don't mean my racket grip)
grah should i go on friday? but then i'll have to pon trng, and i have to go alone cuz lifang isn't going. and i should wait for her cuz it's scary going alone. but the next session is two weeks later and i should really just not be a loser and just go if i want to.
lol oh yeah smth amusing jacq said today: "For one whole year i can't touch my toes, only during PFT sit-and-reach then i can."
rawr, and i stretch until my stomach hurts also can't stretch further than 35cm. then jacq with her long legs and long hands i think she juz kinda straighten her arms can get 47cm already.

2007-04-16T05:35:00.000-07:00

i think i'm thinking too much.
yesh, i actually do think.
grah i think so much i'm probably hallucinating already.
im so tired of remembering and thinking of it all. all over again.
if i cared more and tried harder to understand...but im so darn tired.
bt then again...isn't everyone?

2007-04-15T08:58:00.000-07:00

no one comes to this blog anymore.
but ahh well nevermind i would just blog.
i think i finally get it.
as in not really, but at least i'm starting to make sense of all this.

It's a matter of willingness to sacrifice without getting anything in return. I knew that all along, and I've never ever doubted that i'd be able to do just that. seems like i overestimated myself. and after that, everything just didn't make much sense anymore, and i didn't even want to think about it.

Acceptance; why is it so darn difficult?

2007-03-25T00:25:00.000-07:00

old song, but very nice x)

做一天的你 - jolin tsai

不想不想再被你看轻
可是我始终还不够聪明
在你面前不敢表现不高兴
不想不想爱被看清
而决定总是不够坚定
狠不下心不懂对你任性
为何付出的心都得不到回应
一切努力都是零
多么可惜我还分得清
这是同情不是感情

我只要做一天的你
让我用一天你的表情
了解你的心情
永远受欢迎
带一点烦恼的高兴
只要你做一天的我
让你过一天我的心情
耗尽所有热情所有决心
还被你否定
是多么不公平

我只要做一天的你
让我用一天你的姓
让我疲倦的心能和你合并
就算是最虚荣的梦境
只要你做一天的我
让你过一天我的心情
耗尽所有热情所有决心
还被你否定
是多么不公平

2007-03-08T08:14:00.000-08:00

I don't think i've ever felt like such a failure before.
And yeah this would sound really dumb to whoever knows what Im talking about, but THAT DAY was the most horrible day I had since eons ago. okay that was super vague but wtv. And i wasn't because of anything, but just because I was disappointed in myself and my limitations.
Yes it might be something so unimportant and mediocre, yet it means the world to me. But then again, so many things mean the world to me x)
yeah so im like more irritable and cranky and really irrtating recently, so yeah...
And for those who were there for me, you know who you are. Thankyouthankyouthankyou.

2007-02-11T02:26:00.000-08:00

yesh!
i love good news x)
One more month... ... ... yay it awaits!
Mannnn...I miss SP and Ella and the lot. And i miss fricking Kbox!

2007-02-06T07:41:00.000-08:00

I don't want a thing from you
Bet you're tired of me waiting
For the scraps to fall
Off your table to the ground
I just want to be here now

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

If only i would be more appreciative, and more content.

2007-01-31T05:52:00.000-08:00

where's the motivation?

2007-01-08T06:31:00.000-08:00

Jacq you are pro!

still a long long way to go

2007-01-01T03:49:00.000-08:00

goodbye 2006 and hello 2007!
The countdown was fine x)
For 2007,
Instead of hoping for stuff to come true,
I'd be contented if whatever I dread don't come true.
Contented, aint I?

aww, didn't get didn't get to watch death note 2 a second time ystrday cuz of training. ugh! and i burst my racket strings. just great. whatever.
Oh but the centrecourt cafe thingy at yck is quite cool, and ba chor mee at amk is cool though we didn't get to eat it yesterday.
Then later at night i was sposed to go for the countdown at downtown at downtown east. Yeah i met SP and her tallllll171lll friend there and enjoyed like an hour of extremely uninteresting performances at the D'marquee. Then ellyn and jerm came and like wanted to go for fireworks at the esplanade. Really sorry SP! Luv Ya lots! oh yeah and clarine and like whoever else that was sposed to come for the downtown east countdown, yeah i shouldn't have suggested it.
hmm after watching the trailer on tv, i wanna watch the day after tomorrow! shouldn't have fell asleep the other time i was watching it at Ella's house. oh yeah the day after tommorow is the first day of school! would be great if ellyn could be in my class, well there's a possibility...though not a big possibility.

ooooh how i dread! my new year wish, is for the stuff that i dread, to never have to happen. grant my simple wish x)

2006-12-25T07:38:00.000-08:00

Reebok speed rope is the coolest thing ever!
Thank you Eileen!
It's super duper cool! yay i love my skipping rope!

2006-12-22T06:33:00.000-08:00

Insecurities. Insecurities
Or maybe it’s lack of trust.
I think I finally figured it out…
It’s not failure and losing that I’m afraid of.
But rather…
That if I failed, I would turn back and see unfriendly faces.
Perhaps it’s not acceptance but tolerance.
Perhaps it’s only acquaintance
If so…I guess I already lost.
All of it for nothing.

2006-12-14T07:52:00.000-08:00

Went out with SP, Ella and Marilyn two days ago, and it was really nice x) SP and Marilyn are crazy, no wait...Ella is too(since she's like part of the perverts)! sheesh i should have totally brought my camera. SP was wearing like some traditional chinese qipao/cheongsam top with jeans! hahah i wouldn't say she looked hot but she might just be a TRENDSETTER x) And Marilyn lee was wearing a jacket without a shirt underneath...hahah but she says it's not a JACKET! but it's a jacket! oh hmm i'm not making sense. but it was super cold in kbox so we were all like "marilyn, lend me your jacket leh". hahah but she was cleverer than that lol. kbox was great! and marilyn sings like a SUPERSTAR! Though she's illiterate! no jumping on the sofas with air guitars this time...but alot of dancing,drama and screaming! heck we must be the most high customers kbox ever had! ooh hmm it was unfortunate that we got a room with a fricking window! everyone shopping in paradiz center could see us -.-" we went to ella's house after that, to see her revamped room. then we were juz goofing around...just like the old times. Nah, even the old times weren't as fun. it's amazing how we can all remain such great friends two years after primary school.

perhaps absence makes the heart fonder, or perhaps it's that we lead different lives now and thus our friendship would not be affected by external factors, or perhaps we're just very good friends. In retrospect, it's so amazing how each of our lives can be so different now. Two years ago when graduating from primary school, i couldn't have seen us the way we are now. Flipping through ella's yellowed old photographs and recounting stuff that happened in the past, it really feels like we came a long way.

lastly, it'll be so anticlimax for me to end this emo blogpost with a picture of my beloved yanyalun but whatever.

Arron!

2006-12-14T04:20:00.000-08:00

ho humm i finally remembered my username for blogger!
great i can blog now.
gosh i feel so unglam. not that 'unglam' is a word that i usually use but yeah it's the only way to possibly describe what i'm feeling. BECAUSE, every single day it seems like all i do is wake up early, put on a t-shirt and training shorts and go for training. i do like training and hanging out with the squashers yes. But maybe not everyday. And waking up at an ungodly hour every sleepy saturday to take a TWO HOUR busride to bukit batok to train is just...UGH! and i reach home at FIVE in the evening. god knows why. And the holidays are ending...that's just dreadful. My 2 pairs of adidas shorts are seriously over used. i wear them like practically everyday...for training, for sleeping, for running erands, for shopping, for going to kbox, for sleepovers, for going back to school etc etc. hahah maybe i should get another pair...since i already have the one with the white stripes and the one with the blue stripes, all that's left is to get the one with the red stripes!

oh yeah photos from my thailand trip!

Me getting ready for parachuting!

My sis and I taking a photo with one of the performers of a transexual cabaret show in Pattaya! Yeah, that means that person in the photo is/was a guy. lol with transexuals looking like that, who needs pretty boys?

Heh! My fake nike sunglasses!

Oh yeah and a random picture from the global chinese music awards thing.

red carpet!

And how can i resist not to have this one last photo...

Aww..Arron Yan Ya Lun! he's so cute!

2006-10-29T01:37:00.000-08:00

photos photos where are my photos!?! Would blog soon but i have to have my photos! i think there are like about a gazillion 204 photos taken for netball carn/class lunch/class gathering etc. And then there are the photos taken at the chinese global music awards smth thingy okay i have a new latest obsession:

How to save a live - The Fray
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

2006-10-21T22:31:00.000-07:00

yo im blogging again (:
gonna put up a tagboard soon. Maybe.
oh yeah my latest obsession...sytycd2 - Travis wall!

Yep. the caption says it all; he's bringing sexy back

Went out with lifang and jacq after the exams.
and we got identical haircuts. which was unintentional XD
yeah the new haircuts are not much different from our old haircuts anyway.
Then we WALKED from far east all the way to short street, which is almost near little india for beancurd.
Went for kbox and slpovr later at night.
ahh well...it was the THREEOFUS again (:
and i was pmsing for the whole of the time. ugh yeah i was being horrible but they were nice about it lah.
Then saturday...
Back to my lovely trainings with my lovely ncode (:
very lovely.